Post 1

I have to write my mind before it is clogged up with too much unnecessary thought.
My housemate when i was in Sheffield just passed away of cancer last Saturday. Leaving me bitter with all flashbacks that suddenly came over...
Hmm... that is the problem about dying..
If we can make a phone call, or bb's. or fax, or letter, or facebooking or any sort of communication with people who have left this world.. I bet dying will be treated  like going far distance abroad...
'hey!! i just wanna know ''how are u''?'

BUT NO..

We cannot do that... never and never ever... that is the mystery of life..  all communications of sort only owns by the creator of this 'everythingness' and nothing about it is within human knowledge (Dan mereka bertanya kepadamu tentang roh. Katakanlah: ""Roh itu termasuk urusan Tuhan-ku, dan tidaklah kamu diberi pengetahuan melainkan sedikit"- The Quran 17:85).

When I suddenly woke up at 4.30am this morning, that was the main thing that disturbed as it struck me!
I just want to know 'How are you?' Mas Afzal? 'I want to let you know that i feel like shit that i did not managed to visit u at the hospital or at home when im in Malaysia!!', ' This is super bad my fren!! i was in penang when i know you are in hospital, i just managed to ask my other fren to visit you on my behalf!!' ' I was thinking to go back to kl that weekend.. but I did not!!' 'U know how indecisive I am dont you?'
and i will definitely lose my mind if im keep thinking i will never know the answer when I am still alive.

I am restless ...
But then I thought .. I have to be fair to myself as to others.. so why not just let to believe and to trust on faith on this ..
If..
I know I can never know how are you.. neither to tell you what I am thinking..
but...
the whole my life knowing you when we were in Sheffield, you are a pious guy, you are way way polite than me (and most of everyone there), you can never never easily hurt anyone with your behaviour,  you are wise in your decision (remember when I appeal you to watch Star Trek blu-ray movie so then u will miss your prayer at the mosque, on the top of the hill? but I failed? haha ) , You talk good for good deeds.. the only thing that is bad is that you don't like anything green that i cook for the house!! haish!!
then...
if I am to judge..  in any category.. you are a really really genuinely good guy!! and im quite jealous because how crap i am compared to u!!
I know my judgement is nothing!! but I know He is not mean, or sadistic, or cruel either. ('Kelembutan dan kasih sayangKu mengalahkan kemurkaanKu'- Shahih al-Bukhari) . So I am convinced,  and I believe and want to believe..
definitely you are now .. in a Much Much Much Better place...
and hopefully ..i could rest my mind on that..

Al-Fatihah... (and hopefully those goods it brings will definitely reach you..... )

Goodbye my friend.....